Why Saying Less Can Make You Seem Smarter
It’s an idea that extends back to ancient times. It was Plato who said, “Wise men speak because they have something to say, fools because they have to say something.” But, it was the Fool in Shakespeare’s King Lear who advises Lear: “Have more than thou showest, speak less than thou knowest, lend more than thou owest.” Lear is out of control, losing his mind, and losing power over his kingdom. The Fool’s advice to Lear is simple: Don’t show all your cards at once.
Not everyone needs to know your business: what you own, what you make for a living, what you ate for dinner last night, but in the era of social media show and tell, less isn’t always more. Our followers and our fans crave authenticity. And when it comes to celebrities, most of us just want a glimpse into their lives.
We have a tendency to overshare, but when it comes to your business, sometimes it is better not to reveal your next move, lest you lose your advantage. And while it might feel good at the moment to flaunt your great knowledge on a subject, people love to troll the Internet just looking for a fight.
So many idioms in the English language speak to this simple concept, it is a wonder we don’t pay more attention. Look at any of your social media feeds and you will see people sharing every aspect of their personal lives with complete strangers. We filter our photos but we have difficulty filtering our speech.
The Lost Art of Two-Way Communication
In real life, people who take the time to listen to others — those who do more listening and less talking during a conversation — are perceived to be more empathetic, less apathetic, and more intelligent. But on social media, we are quick to give our opinion and often we exhibit a total disregard for, a complete and utter lack of disrespect for, and a general disdain for the opinions of others. We are experiencing a breakdown in interpersonal communication that previous generations did not have to contend with — in the workplace or in their personal relationships.
Before the pandemic, we would send an email to the person in the next office to ask a quick question instead of picking up the phone or getting off our lazy asses and walking down the hall to ask them in person. When we text our loved ones we expect a speedy reply. As Susan Steinbrecher says in Inc. Magazine, “Authentic, two-way communication is a lost art. Our interactions have become relegated to short, digital bursts of texts, emails, and tweets. It seems that for many, it’s easier to deal with communication that way — but the problem is, it’s one-sided.” And now that many of us are working remotely, it has gotten even worse.
With tools like Slack at our disposal, we have become increasingly reactive and nonconfrontational, so we tend to avoid high-impact conversations. When we do find ourselves involved in those types of conversations, either one-on-one or in a group, both in-person or on Zoom, instead of listening to the person speaking, we are often thinking about how we are going to respond.
When we know we are going to be involved in a conversation regarding a specific topic ahead of time, many of us can’t help but play out the scenario in our heads. We try to anticipate how the conversation will go instead of just letting it be whatever it is going to be.
Always Say Less Than Necessary
“Loose lips sink ships,” was a wartime expression warning people to be guarded about what they say lest they inadvertently give information to wartime spies. It’s difficult to know others’ motives and when we reveal or explain too much we run a greater risk that we will say something that could be used against us. This is especially true in business situations.
In 1944, screenwriter Michael Arlen went to New York hoping to find work. He ran into Sam Goldwyn in the lobby of the famous restaurant “21,” where Arlen was hoping to drown his sorrows for a bit, who advised him to invest in racehorses, suggesting he would perhaps have better luck at making money off of them than selling a screenplay. When he went into the bar, he encountered Louis B. Mayer, an old acquaintance, who asked him what his plans were for the future. “I was just talking to Sam Goldwyn,” Arlen began, when Mayer interrupted him asking “How much did he offer you?” Arlen replied quite vaguely, “Not enough.”
“Would you take $15,000 for thirty weeks?,” asked Mayer, to which Arlen replied quite clearly and without hesitation, “Yes.” (The Little Brown Book of Anecdotes, Fadiman, Ed. 1985)
Had he said much more, Arlen would have revealed to Mayer that Goldwyn had not hired him at all, but rather given him a quite impractical suggestion. Likewise, had Mayer kept his mouth shut and listened to Arlen’s story, he may have made a better deal.
Robert Green uses the above anecdote to illustrate Law #4 in his book The 48 Laws of Power — “Always say less than necessary.”
Greene says, “When you are trying to impress people with words, the more you say, the more common you appear, and the less in control. Even if you are saying something banal, it will seem original if you make it vague, open-ended, and sphinxlike. Powerful people impress and intimidate by saying less. The more you say, the more likely you are to say something foolish.”
Remember, once the words are out, you cannot take them back.
When you talk, you are only repeating what you know. But when you listen, you may learn something new. - The Dalai Lama
The Power of the Pause
Yesterday, I was having a conversation with a friend in sales, and we were talking about the “power of the pause.” It is human nature to want to fill moments of awkward silence with words. We are often quick to react because we feel that we have to make a decision or get our two cents in right then and there or we will miss our opportunity to be heard. And as I said previously, more often than not, we aren’t even listening to what other people are saying, we are just waiting for our turn to speak. We would all be wiser in business, in our personal lives, even in talking to a complete stranger to become comfortable with silence.
It is a public speaking tactic that is easy to employ once you put it into practice. The pause allows you to control the impact and it also shows that you are relaxed and in control of the situation or the conversation.
Going back to Plato’s words. Wise men (and women) speak when they feel they can add to the conversation, not just when they want to spout off their own knowledge on the subject. We should also only speak when we are prepared to listen to others. Effective leaders listen more than they speak, they observe, they bide their time. Fools, on the other hand, do not know how to observe, to listen, or to speak when it is appropriate — they simply speak to hear themselves talk, they are impulsive, and much of what they have to say is not based on the facts but on their own personal bias.
“We have two ears and one tongue so that we would listen more and talk less.” — Diogenes
If you are in a meeting, practice biting your tongue. Sit back and observe how many people are clamoring to get their two cents into the conversation. Great leaders do this all the time, they let their subordinates speak. They observe and listen, and only chime in after everyone else around the table has had the opportunity to weigh in.
Of course, there are times when it is unwise to remain silent; when silence is seen as suspicious, and vague or ambiguous statements may lead to misinterpretation. As Greene says, “It is occasionally wiser to imitate the court jester, who plays the fool but knows he is smarter than the King.”
